Since it is impossible for your partner to ever be perfect enough to not trigger your baggage claim, one must unpack from a long trip before packing for another one .
"( Uhhhh HELLO)"
Whether you’ve dated a long line of losers, been cheated on or just suffered a run of bad luck in the relationship field, it’s easy to hold onto your past hurts and carry negative baggage into your next relationship. However, these lingering issues from the past can have a powerful impact on your future – unless you learn how to let go and move forward. Sydney-based relationship counsellor Clinton Power says being unable to ditch negative relationship baggage is one of the main reasons people seek out his services. For this blog , i reviewed some of his files and to be honest, I agree with his take on the subject matter.
NOW before i continue, this blog topic comes from a lady who prefers to remain anonymous however, she is a 36 year old women ;mother of 2 boys ; divorced. Lets call her lollipop. LOL! Lollipop says that she's been dating now for 4 years and has grown sick and tired. her desire to be married again is still strong, but she doesn't know what she is doing wrong. She admits that even though years have past, it's so easy for men to remind her of her husband and the pain he caused. What's wrong?
Well lollipop, the name of this game is called HEAling. In order to clear out our excess baggage we need to acknowledge what caused the hurt, and then be prepared to open ourselves up and be vulnerable in a relationship.Stepping back and identifying the particular aspects of our personality that are making us hold onto our past can be the key to success, and overall it shows us what major areas of who we are got hit the worst with the "bull shit bomb".“If you’ve been cheated on ( raise your hand if you've road that train before) and are looking at your new relationship through that same ugly microscope, your new partner won’t feel trusted and may start to respond by being secretive and confirming your worst fears, "I myself just recently had to learn to recognise these patterns and working to change them to a more positive form of relating is one way that you can use your new
relationship as a form of healing. The hardest lesson for me to except was that if I continued to stay stuck in my past - it clearly meant I'm wasn't ready to move into the future – but it was possible, and easy to do once I decided to let go and just do it.
Ok lets go deep for a minute. Could it be that your "baggage" goes a little deeper than your past relationship. What issues did you have before you made the choice to get in this toxic relationship anyway? Chances are you still got them honey boo boo ;Which could be the reason WHY you are still moving from toxic to toxic; it just so happen one was longer than the other. Lol! It really sucked to learn that the person I married really wasn't the person for me IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE! I was just looking outward for inward completion. See, until we recognize why we eat as we do, we’ll never break free enough to control our eating habits! Face it, living through an awkward puberty or in a broken home isn’t easy. Years of dealing with being second best or misunderstood had to eventually come out. "COME ON , did u really think that shit would go away like that.."Sometimes our favorite memories, perhaps Mom frying chicken or eating at grandma's on sundays after church seemed to comfort us and provide the emotional security that’s now missing in our grownup lives.Forgiveness is challenging and forgiving yourself is sometimes hardest! Im sure there are a lot of us who would want to go back and erase something done or said, causing pain to others? Excepting that we as humans have faults allow us to learn from the past and strive for a better future, not just for ourselves but, for our children as well. Make a choice to stop the cycle. We aren’t perfect and God doesn’t expect perfection from us.One of the toughest challenges we are faced with is to forgive others who have betrayed or deeply harmed us and that includes even family.
(yes I said it) Sometimes our minds just can’t forget the inner pain we suffered due to something that someone said or did. But being “good little children” in my day we didn’t talk back, so those feelings were stuffed inside. Innately as adults, we've found ways to numb that pain through reckless behavior, drinking drugs, emotional eating, or toxic relationships. But holding on to the sorrow we have experienced is another way to gather self centered attention as well.- Saving that for another blog- Don’t you know someone in your life who loves to be the center of attention? I do, hell at one point that somebody was me. Change, like salvation, must come from within! Set yourself free from your own baggage before you start digging in your potential partners. It’s not an easy process, but certainly worth the journey.
*** thank u so much for reading, and thank you lollipop for sharing your story.***
U know how to contact me: email your topics and questions to aagwquestions@gmail.com or inbox me on Facebook.
